Rio! Rio!

I was sitting on the couch this morning after dropping Bella off at school. Cooper and Lola wanted to go to the park by our house. I usually drive there because there are two gigantic hills the size of Mt. Everest on the way to the park. I decided that if Katie Foster can do the ironman then I can walk my kids to the park.

I throw both kids into the two rider stroller. (I literally threw them) We start our walk. I conquer the first hill like it was nothing. I’m starting down the first hill when all of a sudden I’m being attacked by 40 some cockatoos! Swooping at my head. To my right there is a house being built and there were 4 or 5 guys working on the house. They look over because they can hear me screaming, “what the hell is going on?” “WTF???” “Stupid ass birds!” So I take off running and come to the second mountain. By this time I am out of breath and can barely walk. (I haven’t worked out since 1992) So I notice that the cockatoos are circling above me taking turns swooping at my head. I have to get up this second mountain with this two rider stroller with both kids in it, or I may die by cockatoo.

I start up the second mountain. I’m breathing so loud that Lola asks if I’m ok. Yes Lola I’m fine, just keep your head down. The cockatoos are screeching and swooping every second. I get scared so I take off running, up the mountain. I make it to the top unscathed. Now it’s time to go down the second mountain…….

I start trekking down and I feel like my legs are going to give out. All I can think is don’t let go of the stroller so the kids don’t go flying down the mountain. The G Forces alone would kill them.

We finally make it to the park. And so do the cockatoos. So while I’m pushing cooper on the swing I’m on my phone googling what to do in this situation. Are cockatoos dangerous? Will they peck your eyes out? Do they eat young children? I cannot find one thing. Am i going to be stuck at this park forever, because there is no way im walking back with 40 cockatoos. So I call Bryce who is on the road with a native australian. I have Bryce ask him what to do. Here is what they told me……

Go ahead and walk back home but make sure to act like a bigger bird when they start swooping your head. Waves your arms in the air like they’re big wings and screech back at them. But whatever you do, don’t look them in the eyes!

Really? Well I’m either going to sit at this park all day waiting for the effing birds to leave or I act like a bigger cockatoo. Some choices in life are tough. So today I became I big cockatoo and walked my kids back up those two big mountains and made it home. Cockatoo free.

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